I believe it is about time I share a little more about myself and especially about the title of this blog. 'A quiet moment' is as I mentioned in my very first post, a period that I'm going through at the moment. I lost my voice exactly four years ago and haven't recovered it completely ever since. At the time I was already living in Amsterdam for a year and enjoying the student life to the fullest. I got antibiotics and loads of other medications at first because they thought my vocal cords were inflamed. But once I was off the meds, my voice was gone again. A few doctors later, they decided to teach me how to speak again because wrong usage of the vocal cords could have been the cause. Loads of singers have this as well so I kinda felt cool and didn't mind explaining to people what I had, but six months later my voice still wasn't back. To give you an idea, I spoke really really low (just like when you have a terrible hangover after a crazy night), or with a squeek (when I actually was hangover) or I whispered. After a while I was known as 'the girl with the voice' among my student friends.
For two years I saw a dozen doctors at 5 different hospitals, whom all promised me : "I know what it is, and I will cure you!!!" But after a while I simply stopped believing them and I decided to just live my life and consider my voice as a handicap. I started to cope with the continuous comments from people on the streets who'd hear me 'speak' to friends, tramdrivers who'd ask if I'd had a rough night, bartenders who saw me as the ultimate party girl and the never ending explaining of what I 'had'. Because actually, I didn't have anything to explain since the doctors didn't know what I had. So I just told people that I indeed had had a rough night, or that I was simply ill, and I lived my life. Luckily my voice hasn't held me back from achieving my goals as I managed to get several bartending jobs, to become the secretary of my sorority, finish my Bachelor degree with an internship for a non-profit organization, and to get another internship at the marketing department of a Dutch fashion brand called Oilily which was during the last 6 months of 2008. Then I got in at the European School of Economics in Milan and started my master in Marketing. And again despite my voice I learned Italian in order to be able to get an internship which this time, I got at a tiny fashion PR company called Pink&Chic in Milan. I'm starting in September... exciting.
It was beginning of 2008 that I started treatment with a doctor in Brussels who also treated my mom, who has fybromyalgia. He did a bunch of blood tests and started treatment through trial and error. The end of 2008, my surroundings started noticing the difference in my voice and that it started getting better. Now another 6 months, many medications, vitamins, minerals and natural boosters, other bloodtests further, my doctor finally knows what I have. It still doesn't have a name-tag to it, but to keep a long story short, the loss of my voice was caused by a bacteria I caught on my travels to Ecuador. This little bug, although cured at the time, created such damage in my intestinal system that my body started making these toxins that ended up in my bloodstream. The toxicated blood then damaged the enzymes needed for vocal cords to be able to move smoothly and tadaaa, my voice stopped because the cords couldn't move smoothly anymore. Now he's trying to get these toxins out of my body and restore all the bacterial balance in order for my body to regain these enzymes needed for the elasticity in my voice. He too told me: "I know what you have and I will cure you!!", but this time, I believe him.
I am not losing faith nor hope that one day I will be able to speak again... Until then, I'm fighting my way to achieve my dreams within the fashion world, with or without voice, I will get there!
The cherry blossom girl x Disneyland Paris
1 week ago